You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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