Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
