Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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