maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
