i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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