He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
