just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
At least life still wants to fuck me.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
