i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
