So drunk, too bad you don't want this
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
