i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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