Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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