I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
