That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
