I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
We left an ass print on the piano.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
