apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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