I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
