Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
