I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
ugly people sure do ruin things
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize
