Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
