I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
