My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
