I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Your tits are I can't wait for
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
