he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
