do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
