I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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