The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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