We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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