is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
