WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
