I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
