its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
