Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
