You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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