Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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