Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
