Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
