Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
