Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
