i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
