omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
