I have demons in me.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
