Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I just blew my weed a kiss
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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