You're earring is so big in my mouth
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
