How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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