i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
