just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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