a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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