Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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