I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
