I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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