i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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