My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i love accidental penises.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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