that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Randomize
