hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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