I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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