Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Randomize
