you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
